An Unsettling Abomination

Species Elephant Seal
Business Crushing

ROLL is an elephant seal with a horrifying penchant for crushing. While not officially confirmed, ROLL and his family most likely originate from The Good Ages of Digging and Playing, when Seymour banished a certain party of naughty cousins to the rocky shores of a distant and dark sea. He condemned these cousins to "roll and mash without end," which seem to be the habits of ROLL and his family now. Unlike his physical appearance suggests, ROLL is not related to Zhdun. ROLL made his first post on March 9, 2017.


ROLL is an aggressive, crush-hungry seal. He particularly enjoys videos of objects being crushed by hydraulic presses. Napping on the shore and karaoke are also among his favorite pastimes.

Crushing Abilities

ROLL has the ability to completely obliterate a wide variety of objects, gaining their mass in the process. This includes snails, shells, plastic cups, etc. He can even completely crush multiple coconuts at once, utilizing only 1/8th of his entire body weight. In time, as ROLL continues to Mash and Absorb matter, no atom shall escape his "Crushing Warmth and Body-Weight."

Other Known Elephant Seals

ROLL is particularly close to his boy-squire STUMP. Only four other elephant seals are identified by name: GRUDGE, FUCK, WALLOP, and DOLLOP.